Why I can't get over camp

paddle boats at Special Person's

      There are a thousand reasons why I choose to spend at least one week of my summer at camp. Mostly because it’s one of my favorite places on earth and I may have a secret plan of making it everyone else’s favorite place too…including Ethan, but that’s another story.

Ethan & me and many others in a dunk tank

 Camp does this for me. It is this place where I feel so at peace when I know I don’t deserve peace. It’s a place where people lift me up for the work that I’m doing that I don’t do for recognition.  It’s the place where I am trusted when I know I have failed people before and I am still trusted. It’s the place where I can be funny and don’t exhaust it by trying too hard. It’s the place where I can listen and not have to contribute. It’s the place where I can look at the moon and say, “well hey God, how on earth after all that you’ve shown me day in and day out, with that moon and these kids, and prayer after prayer that you’ve answered with grace do I continue to choose things that don’t glorify you?” and I don’t feel that God is angry with me. It’s the place where I know my faith is a choice and not an obligation. I feel the tug of the truth that God’s there waiting, but you don’t HAVE to say anything to him until you CHOOSE to, even in a place as Christ-centered as camp. It’s the place where I can be in complete disagreement with someone’s opinion and know that we have something in common that reminds me I’m still capable of loving them. It’s the place that when I leave I can feel the return to something darker and it hurts every time. It’s the place that shows me God.

             Jesus grants me this peace that is so undeserved because He knows that we are human. He knows that we will fail and we can never do a single thing on our own to avoid that failure. So to cover up that flaw that we have marked on us, He said, “Don’t worry, I love you. I’ve got this” and He took all of that stuff that gets me down, every mistake I’ve made, every worry I hold on to and said,  “you don’t have to be afraid in the chaos, you have been given peace.”  And that is made real to me here. No good deed will get any one into heaven, but in order to show that your faith is true, you should do good works because that’s what people notice, not necessarily what’s in your heart. God sees what you do AND what’s in your heart and wants you to be encouraged by how happy that makes him. And I feel that here. I know every lie I’ve told, I know every rule I’ve broken and every person I’ve cheated, so does God, He still puts people in my life to love me and to need me. I receive so many of those people here.   

            God gave me a sense of humor, I am sometimes quick witted and other times I only wish I were quick witted. Here He gives me opportunities to use it to lighten other people’s loads. I was blessed or cursed (not sure yet) with an ability to talk and an equally strong yet less utilized blessing of listening and here I can exercise that gift. God wants me to recognize the areas in my life that aren’t where they should be, I am convicted but not condemned, because He wants my life to be the best that it can be, which is a life that points wholly to Him and He wants to give me GOOD things to prosper me, not to harm me. This conviction without resentment is here. God needs me to know how much he desires a relationship with me that is close, but a relationship is a choice and I am not a puppet. I feel the times to make that choice when I am here. Walking in the light is walking with Jesus and knowing the better choices to make, the darkness is life away from Christ when you start to slip off that path which is only going to lead to hurt.  The difference between light and dark is much more evident here.

            The trick is, God is every where. I know that, I’ve always known that. However every time I think about the spiritual depression that follows a summer surrounded by believers, I think NOOO I can’t leave here because God isn’t out there. He most definitely is out there, but here is where I agree to listen. If I continued to notice the peace, the encouragement, the people, the comedic relief, the opportunities to shut up, the places that need some light shone on them, the choice to choose Him, and the continual narrow path of light, I wonder if that spiritual depression would take me so low.  My guess is probably not.

         I know this has nothing to do with Ethan and I, as a couple. However, after the weekend we had with his youth group (Friday-Sunday with middle schoolers along with Ashley and Phil) I have been reminded of how it is possible to meet God elsewhere. I’ve known this fact and felt it for years, it’s nothing new, but a reminder is always refreshing. Taking the middle school kids from Navilleton was great. It was good for them to hear us, as college and a couple high school kids, talk about a relationship with God and show that it’s possible. But it was even better for us as a couple and a group of friends to be leading together and joining together for a purpose that was not of selfish desires. We were wanting the kids to have a place where they felt comfortable and supported and open to understanding what God wants for their lives. It was good for us to see each other in a different light because we sometimes take for granted that, the same as those kids have each other and they have us, we have each other to rely on when things get gray where they used to be black and white.  It’s just been an uplifting couple of weeks. Yay God! 

I don't have a verse or quote to wrap this up, but last night I was introduced to this song and it says it all. Forever Reign by Hillsong. If you don't have time to watch this video, look up the lyrics- it's worth it.